“Are you there GOD? It’s me, Taria”…

Girls-Prayer-Black

Are you there GOD? It’s me, Mary Margaret…I used to love this book by Judy Blume when I was in middle school and must have read it about 4 times. In the book, Mary Margaret has a Christian Mother and a Jewish father and is confused as to her belief in GOD and if she actually believes in GOD. She goes to school and is given a yearlong independent study project and she chooses to study peoples’ beliefs. So every time she had a question for GOD about things she didn’t understand and needed him to explain, she would start out by saying, “Are you there GOD? It’s me, Mary Margaret.” This book came back to my remembrance while on the phone with a friend and I was losing phone service and I jokingly said, “Are you there GOD? It’s me, Taria.” My friend and I started to laugh and I asked her if she remembered the book. After we hung up, I really started thinking about the book and how Mary Margaret went to a GOD she didn’t even know for sure existed, for the answers that she so desperately needed. And then I thought, surely if he could use a donkey in the bible, he could use a fictional middle school character named Mary Margaret…So I took my cue and said out loud, “Are you there GOD? It’s me, Taria, and I need you.”

It’s not that I question if there is a GOD or my belief in GOD, however sometimes, in those midnight hours, just before the night sky allows the sun to peak through with the light of hope for another day, I ask questions…Questions that if GOD can’t answer, I know I won’t get one. I want to know why at 39 years, 1 month and 23 days old, I feel like I am stuck. I am 312 days’ shy of my 40th birthday and I feel like I am stuck. Am I STILL in a caterpillar cocoon that is seemingly steeped in ashes, fighting through a transformation to finally possess the beauty of the butterfly? I ask him if the poor choices and decisions I made earlier in life became the matches that lit my hopes, my dreams and my passions on fire causing them to burnout and sometimes leave me feeling like all that is left of me is that powdery residue that remains after something is destroyed…ashes. But then I remembered you answered the question before I asked. You said in your word that you would give me “beauty for ashes.”

I ask him if I should be further ahead in life because even though I was born in the Eastern Standard Time zone, I feel like life has kept me in the Pacific Standard Time zone, 3 hours behind what I am supposed to be doing, continuously running on a treadmill of time that is shaky and not always sturdy, constantly trying to catch my purpose that seems to move ahead of me, but really, I’m just running in place, making no solid strides or steps forward. Is THIS where you want me to be GOD??? But then I remembered you answered the question before I asked. You said in your word that, “The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him.”

I started asking him if I had wasted all the years I have had prior to this year when I had a burning passion to use my voice to inspire greatness in others through encouragement. When I wanted you to use my voice to become a pen to my generation, an instrument that used what you put me in to help write the vision and make it plain so that when we read it, we could run with it. I wanted you to use my voice to help break the chains of hopelessness, helplessness and despair off of my fellow brothers and sisters. And yet some days I fear I have run out of ink and that the well has run dry. I wanted the sound waves of fearlessness to carry your message of hope through me and now sometimes I fear if I release this unique sound that you gave me, people will come for my neck and I will be beheaded. So should I stay silent? And YET at the same time I still feel the embers of that passion, but I question what is it about my NOW that will help anyone? How will it be different from years prior. And then I remembered, you sent the answer through Queen Esther’s story before I ever asked it.“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will not come… And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as THIS.”

*(Queen Esther went against the law and approached the king without being summoned which she should have been killed for, and used her voice to make sure her people were not killed. And not only did the King not kill her, he promised he would grant her request. Her belief and bravery helped save a generation from death.)

I want to encourage anyone reading this who feels like your time has come and gone for you to fully operate in the gifts and talents that GOD has given you, anyone who feels stuck in life whether it be your job or finances and fears where you are is where you will remain, anyone who feels like what GOD is leading you to do is completely out of the norm of those around you, go to your quiet space and don’t be afraid to pour your questions out to GOD. And even when you can’t verbalize in words what you are feeling and all you can do is cry out, remember that, “The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry.” And I promise you, he will encourage you and turn your questions of doubt into answered manifestation!

I love you guys and thanks for reading!

Habakkuk 1 vs. 2 & 5

Habakkuk- “How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen…”

GOD- “Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.”

 

41 thoughts on ““Are you there GOD? It’s me, Taria”…

  1. JoJo says:

    Are you there God? It’s me JoJo. Thank you God, for speaking to me through Taria! As always you are speaking about my current situation and giving lots of food for thought.

  2. lastchance3 says:

    LOVE this. I feel like I’m in the same place and often ask God if he’s there. He’s the spark of hope when I’ve lost all others.

  3. Clare Speer says:

    Beautiful words! You are encouraging us all – please keep it up! It is hard to “feel stuck” and work through it – but I can tell you are pressing in to God and sometimes that’s all we can do!

  4. heidi williams says:

    As someone who is past forty ,I can tell you we all think that. I truly believe that wherever we are we are supposed to be at the time. I do believe in god and for me, it’s a personal thing. I don’t believe in organized religion and that’s just me. I talk to god one on one. God does answer but it isn’t the way we think, there isn’t going to be a voicemail:)

    • Taria Shondell says:

      Hi Heidi! I love, “there isn’t going to be a voicemail.” lolol And yes, relationships with GOD are supposed to be between you & GOD…Others should only get involved to be an encouragement.

  5. Klaudia says:

    So wonderful , I would love to write a longer comment , but you have said it all in such a beautiful way . I am sharing this lovely piece of reading with my online friends . Excellent post !

  6. Tania Potter says:

    Absolutely lovely read. I so related to the feeling of being in the wrong time zone! I am always rushing and feeling rushed and yearn momto know what enjoying the moment really means.
    Lolo
    M m

  7. mylifeasaseminarywife says:

    I can totally relate to this entire thing! I have found myself asking the same questions and then for a class assignment I had to do a “personal inventory’ and I realized just how far along I have really come and all the great gifts God has blessed me with along with plenty of time to keep using them. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  8. mariewikle says:

    It’s so comforting to know that even when I feel like I don’t matter and that God cannot use me, that as long as I’m available, HE can and will use me. thanks for sharing as many of us can relate!

  9. debolton says:

    WOW! This reminds me of a post I did a few years back. I was searching, pleading and ignoring God’s direction for me. I was desperate and stuck but didn’t put my complete trust and faith in God to lead me out. Hindsight, He was calling, directing me the entire time and I wasn’t sitting still enough to listen. Three years later I finally sat down and listened and have been tremendously blessed ever since. This is such an encouraging word for those who are seeking purpose! Thanks for sharing!

    • Taria Shondell says:

      Shan! Thank you for being an encourager to me! Sometimes it is hard to put myself out there…open for all to see… BUT if it encourages others to be brave and to walk in their purpose…. it is worth enduring a stomach that feels like it is on a roller coaster ride! 😂😂

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